i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
