He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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