Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
