can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
