I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
