dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
