it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
