PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
