Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
