I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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