its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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