tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
