You work out of a Hotel?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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