The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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