Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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