on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
