I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
