Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
