my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
