You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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