I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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