I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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