My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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