do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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