I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
