wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
