Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
