Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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