Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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