That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
