Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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