if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
