You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
