i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
