Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
