so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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