How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
