i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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