Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
