Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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