well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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