i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
