Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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