John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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