If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
