Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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