explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
