I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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