my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
