It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize