I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
