I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
