I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's official drugs can't kill me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
