Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
