That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize