Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like heaven, but drunker
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
