She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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