So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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