it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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