I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
