I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
