We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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