One girl and one boy is just not enough.
this boner is exhausting
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
