I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
