dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
