Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
