oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
