your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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