how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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