dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
