shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
