My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I will be naked everywhere
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
